how did we get here?

I keep looking back at my previous posts over the last year... and looking at the "happy family" pictures and then I think to what was really going on when those pictures were taken. I think I lied to myself so long and tried to put on a good face for my kids and the world, that it became reality to me and then when the real reality actually hit, I was so shocked that it had happened... but really... our family was broken for a long time. He was not really part of our family for a long time. I look back at my November post and see the picture of our family, and it is broken... it hurts to even look at. The girl that I trusted to stay in my home because she "needed a place to stay"... well, there she is, standing there in the middle of my family. She is NOT my chidlren's mother! She was not married to my husband, but there she is in the middle and my on the end... she's beside my "husband" and I am on the end... why did I not see this? Why was I so stupid? And, why now, will he not allow me to be free to move on from this? Why am I stuck in limbo? Why are my children stuck in limbo? It is not fair to any of us! It is not fair to my children to have to be stuck in the middle of all this! I think back over the years and I think "it's so obvious now. he never wanted me. he never wanted us." When God is not the center of your marriage, the center of your family... then who do you think is? I think that Satan is. If God isn't, then it could only be Satan. I have always tried to shelter and protect my children, but I can't do it. All I can do is be the best mother I can be! Love my children! Praise my children for their accomplishments! Take them to church and show them God and the truth! Pray for them! Pray for their healing! And trust that everything will turn out how God has planned for it to! All of this has happened for a reason... God does not make mistakes!
When the doctors told me Auriana would not live, I had faith that God would bring her through and that He would allow her to experience life and the love of her mother and that Kylee would be given the chance to be a sister! God brought us through that and He will bring us through this! My children are living proof that God does exist!
So... how did we get here? God brought us down this path, for some reason or another... and he will continue to lead until we are through it...

Starting over... sort of...

I have begun trying to "start over" with me and my girls. We are trying to move on and live our life as "normally" as possible. It is hard to do when I have to send them to their father's house every other weekend. Some people say that divorce is like a death.... sure, but it's a "death" you have to see every other weekend. And being in "limbo land" because he refuses to sign divorce is even worse. Anyhow... God will get us through this and God will give us a new and better life in His time!

My good friend, Sarah Norman, who owns Sunshine Photography took some pictures of me and the girls. Here are a couple of them. I will share more soon.